And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
