Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
