And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
