I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
