She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i came on her dog
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
