she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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