no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
