I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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