my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
