My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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