Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
