so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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