Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
