We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
