my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
