A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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