Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
