i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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