Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
