C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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