I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize