Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
