I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
