i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
