Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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