So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
