Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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