Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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