I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
