PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
