With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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