he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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