im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
