420 ftw
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
