I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
