Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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