I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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