Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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