bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
