hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
