We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
