WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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