Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize