you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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