last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
