i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize