So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
