Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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