3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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