My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the condom got lost in my hair
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
