First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
