Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize