It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
