i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
