if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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