Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
