can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
