I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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